when she said that you are different,
indeed you are.
Its the unique difference in you, that made my heart captured all these years.
I'm not sure how she sees you, your character,
but i can be sure that she can be the another person
that will be devoted to you,
cos you're indeed different.
i often wonder,
why and what am i doing on this earth?
life is just so contradicting at times.
just when things seems so impossible, and when I'm near to giving-up,
everything changes so quickly,
i can't see what's happening around me,
neither do i know what is going on around me.
mood swings are taking place so frequently,
till I've lost total control of my emotions,
i break down,
tears that are held back all these while,
hidden at the corner of my eye,
they are revealing "themselves" every night when i close my eyes,
"they" pool up at the sheets.
I'm lost! so desperate for someone to hear the cries in me!
but it seems like, no matter how loud my cries are, no one can hear them!
Oh Lord, PLEASE! save me from these tormentations, i feel the agony in me,
and its really bothering me.
i don't feel happy each time i reach home,
and i thought, home is the best place to hide when i'm feeling lousy,
but i was totally wrong,
WRONG about this idea,
every night, i wish i could just put up at some where, where no one can find me,
no one will bother me,
and just allow me to have some time to myself!
allow to me cry till my tears are out,
till my eye swell,
till my thoart hurts,
till i'm satisfied!
i guess up till now, no one can understand what shit i'm taking at this point of time,
cos' i myself, is trying so hard to numb myself,
but at the end of the day, it still hurts!
it hurts real badly!
and if possible i want so badly to drown all my sorrows,
by drowning myself, with whatever i can!
water?
alcohol?
cough mixtures?
blades?
what else?!
i'm surrending everything!!
and i mean EVERYTHING!!!
yanting is gonna wash my hands of everything and anything in her life!
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