Let it be…

Have you ever been super worn out by your emotions?

I really don’t understand the world.

I don’t understand myself,

the people around me,

and what exactly is going on around me.

I’ve tried my best in whatever i’m doing. I’ve given my best. BUT, at the end  of the day, what do i get in return?NOTHING.

I feel like a fool!

I’ve invested so much effort in friendships, relationship, work and trying so hard to change my lousy temper, but at the end of the day, what do i get from all these? NOTHING. so why the fuck am i doing such stuff? i can always stop trying and don’t give a fuck in changing my temper and my attitude in whatever i do. Party all day, flirt like whore and fuck like a bitch! Who on earth will fucking give a dam about me?

Yes, i willingly promised to give you my best, and that i’ve also received your promise. But have you kept your word? all i need you is to be more observant; even for that just a little bit, i’ll be contented already. I’m not asking for your world, neither the heavens or the stars of the universe. I just want you to do a little sacrifice for me, your girlfriend. Why is that so difficult?

I can tell you that, its pretty difficult for me to appreciate what you have done for me. BUT i will be super appreciative for the things you have sacrificed for me. Sacrificial proves all . Not just by doing. Thanks.

I don’t want to be placed in a difficult spot! please. yes, you need attention, but i need my choice of freedom too.. i need you to understand my situation, i need you to give in just a little bit.

when you said you won’t be going to Thailand at the last minute, did you ever wondered why didn’t i compromise to certain matters? cos i cant. there’s no way i could ask her to share a bed/room with another guy whom she hardly know. therefore i decided, if you didn’t  want to go because we can’t share a bed, then too bad, i wont force you either, i respect your decision. Cos i will never force my girlfriend to share a bed/room with a guy she hardly know, though i really thought we could go for a break again.

i guess not this time round, darling.

I need a break. I’m tired. Actors do get worn out too..

Let me be.

Friends out there, ok.. i know i’m stupid for dropping a msg to ask you how are you doing. i SWEAR i will never, anymore! i wouldn’t even farking care what happens to all of you anymore. I don’t want to share a heart with you people, and at the end of the day, all i get it a reply “ya,i’m ok, go slp, dont care about me”!! fuck you!

i promise i will never care about anyone anymore!

Migrated to

 

http://yantings.wordpress.com/

 

i’ll see you there.

(:

清明的第一天.

Yesterday me and 妈妈 went down to where daddy is resting today, mum’s motive was because its 清明, whereas for me? haha.. i went there because i missed daddy, and i had to keep mummy accompanied. So yup, went to see daddy and at the same time, mummy made flowers and got this sweet little “from me to you” bear for daddy.

Today, both the flowers are place right at where daddy is today. Its easy to spot this little bear, cos its from my mum. haha!!

here, let the pictures do the talking.

loves.

life sucks.

 

my life is getting not any where better. Seriously. I’m not sure whether the problem lies with me or because the problem exist long ago. OK, put it this way, i’m not gonna put the blame on anyone else, but on myself. I guess, i’m really not handling life well enough. IF today, i’m working, perhaps i will get enough distraction and i will not fall into the hands of “Satan”, and there will be another problem avoided..

However, my brains are not functioning well at all. Trust me. They are literally failing each day. Brain cells dying as minutes pass. If any of you seriously hate/dislike me to the core, its time to take your revenge. You can scold, nag or even bash me into mash potato, i will not have the strength to retaliate. I’m just not myself i guess?

This sucks big time.

I screw up everything.

Relationship,

Friendship,

Family? (no idea)

Anyways, I’m just disgusted by some “close”friend. No name shall be mentioned. But all i can say is you’re a pain in the ass. Why? ask your bloody freaking self, and you’ll know how disgusting you are. To think that i can trust you as a close friend of like 6years? And this is the result i received. Thanks for being such a bastard! Really. I’m so dam Fucking proud to have loved you as my friend!!

Relationship? Not going on smoothly either. Decided to take a break. Yes, I’m not sure what will the outcome be, but i know God has a way out for me. And i will also play my part, to make sure that everything will be fair to you too.. Whether what the outcome maybe, may you have my blessings, and thank you for everything.

Argh… just screw me in the head!! I cant think straight! Dont ask me why. I just cant. Trust me.

 

Yan Ting.

after many days of being depressed over certain matters, I've decided to let it go.

I know deep in me its really hard to let go, but i will start from just smiling, and i will exchange this smiles with laughter, and then gradually i will become a happy girl once again.

Too much unhappiness have been pilling up on me recently,till i could hardly catch a breath for myself.

I guess its time to get over with it and move on with life! No point fretting over such little issues right?

There’s so many happy things to look forward to, so why cope myself under my blankie and refuse to face the world?

Isolating problems is not the solution either, that’s so unlike me. The “me” in the past, will face the music and remove whatever obstacles that are obstructing her way!

Will set off to look for the “yanting” i used to know! who will wana set off with me to search for her, in the woods? haha..

ohhh.. anyways, I’ve gotten 妈妈’s permission to go back to school! Yay!! ok, this is it. I’m going to enroll myself to SAA (Singapore Accountancy Academy), part time course, so i can work full time during the day.

So my plan is: to look for an office job which could provide me like from 8-5? or 9-6? so i can make it for the evening class at 645. This is the distraction i’m in need of.

Time management sets in.

I need time for God, Saturdays! 
Family, any day, any time!

Friends, when i’m not studying, any evening will be fine. ( but not on Fridays)

Yay! I’ve got a new goal to look forward to in life!

6th April- ET’s 21st birthday!

7th April- Honey’s 18th Birthday!

should start working soooon!! i’m need of money for this 2 events..

until then….

 

i’m so in love with my new header picture!!!!!

♥

 

daddy inspired me to re-edit this picture till its at its top-top perfect condition.

The last few Pictures we managed to take before daddy left us for the 1st and final time.

Going thru these pictures, there’s no way i could hold back those tears,

i’m not sure whether they are tears of joy (as he is no longer suffering) or whether are they tears of sadness ( i miss daddy a lot).

Recently, they are so many things happening in this family,yes it might seem a little complex to us but i know if daddy was around things will be so much easier.

Daddy might not seem what bothered to what we are doing, but i can tell that deep in his heart,

he loves us and he’s super concerned about our daily lives.

Simply because he doesn’t want us to be on the wrong path of life.

I believe every parents love their kids as much as they love themselves, or even they love their kids more then themselves, that they’re willing to go thru every single piece of shit to provide their kids a comfortable life. Isn’t that so ?

Anyways, daddy…… he’s one of the greatest example!! I think the only thing that was holding him back all these years, was us. Yes, his children. I’m 22 this year, and yanqi is only 15. I’m so sure he wants, to see each of us growing up healthily, finding the right partner and of course getting to see his 4 lovely daughters walking down the aisle with her bridegroom and giving birth to his grandchildren.

But, i’m sorry dad, life is not what you’ve expected. Life is just unfair. why of all so many people, it must be you, my dad?!

i hate it! i hate evil things separating me from my love ones. Especially my family. I hate it, if anyone walks into the family, breaking this family up intentionally! And if that person someday exist, I will never forgive that person.

Mummy’s last picture with daddy.

can you see that lovely smile on his face? (:

THE 6 RINGS, IS ACTUALLY SIZED TO DADDY’S THUMB. Today, the 5 rings are all hanging on our necks,

and daddy’s? He’s ring is left in his little urn

 

On a lighter side of life……

 

thanks to Doreen for everything. From rushing down from home to MEH just to get the rings for us.

Being with guan yi thru out the whole thing, it wasn’t easy for her too,

coming down to the wake almost everyday, helping out with my family and of course brought alot of laughter to our home too! (: thanks.

Thanks for being guan yi’s friend ever since her 1st day of primary school, till today!! (:

Its all confused.. all words.. all letters.. but there’s no feelings behind it.

i hate to admit, but i realised that my emotions are constantly revolving around you.I hate to feel this way, but i just cant help it. Its time for me to get back to where i came from! Trust. Trust is the word that i’m still searching for in you, till today. Soul searching doesn’t tell me all, as I've found out that from the start, that there’s nothing in me. Soul-less is still the word. Perhaps, you’ve got all it takes to take control of how i feel, but i’m not gonna let you have it your way. Cos its my life.

♥

 

 

Earth Hour.

Where were you and how did you spend this special one hour?

 

For me, i spent my earth hour with my mum and sis at the basement washing the cars. haha! Eventful huh?

Anyways, it was spent wisely, though! Family will be my top priority from now on. It will take me nothing to go all the way out just for my family, cos at the end of the day, its family who stands beside you no matter what.

I hope you guys had a wonderful Earth Hour! (:

Daddy’s passing on.

Now that he’s gone, the only way to flip thru his journey of life with us, is thru our hearts.

daddy has peacefully passed on, on the 13.03.2010,

at MEH, the place where memories haunts me, till today.

the last family picture at MEH (mount Elizabeth Hospital).

 

i’ve been dreading to blog about this incident, that I've got to flip back all the days we had with him, from his last night to today.

its not easy to blog about it, as the wounds in me are still as fresh as yesterday. Losing your loved ones forever is not an easy truth to learn, let alone be accepting.

But, come to think of it, we cannot be selfish, leaving him by our side will not do good to both the family and himself, daddy has been struggling for the past 2 and the half years, just for the family.

We all know that he wants to get well, go back to work and let us lead a luxurious life, like we had for the past few years, but daddy, its time to take a break. Its time to sit back and relax, let us handle this ourselves, you have given us much more then we have asked for, from nothing, you have given us a condo to live in, a Mercedes to drive in when i had my license, another car for mummy, cos we didn't had “enough” car to use. We were able to go on vacations just like going over to Sentosa. I think its time for us to take over this time and rest peacefully.

No more sufferings, no more pain, no more painkillers, no more needles, no more chemotherapy,no more getting warded, no more sleepless nights, ANYMORE. ITs the End.

 

 

 

lastly, i want to thank God for providing us with this lovely daddy, without him, there will not be happiness in this family.

i also wish to thank daddy for everything he has given us. the laughter, joy, tears, confidence, and countless support to this family. He may be strict, but he also has the lovely side which we never got to discover only till the end.

i sincerely thank him, for all the motivation, and the unconditional love that he has showered upon me for the past 21 years of life.

thanks daddy!

may you rest in peace,

and we love you.

 

to me, daddy has been the greatest leader, the strongest hero, the best teacher, and the most beautiful dad on earth.